


Colorless

by seungminish



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff, Angst and Romance, Colors, Fluff, I'm Sorry, Love, M/M, No Smut, Short & Sweet, Short Story, Side Seungjin, Sorry Not Sorry, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, be prepared to cry, i love stray kids, it's really good though I promise, lol they're all basically adults now, main ship changlix, minsung - Freeform, perhaps i cried, seungjin - Freeform, side minsung, side woochan, some angst and some fluff, woochan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-09-05 18:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungminish/pseuds/seungminish
Summary: In a world of black and white, everyone’s dream is to experience the bliss of color.After turning the ripe age of 21, every individual who experienced physical contact with their fated partner enjoyed the vivid colors that encompassed the world permanently. And as excited as Felix was for his 21st birthday, he dreaded meeting his soulmate. Why? Because he only had one person on his mind: Seo Changbin.[on temporary hiatus]





	1. The Words He Didn't Hear

In a world of black and white, everyone’s dream is to experience the bliss of color.

Felix had heard so many stories from his hyungs about how their world had completely changed after they discovered who their soulmate was. After turning the ripe age of 21, every individual who experienced physical contact with their fated partner enjoyed the vivid colors that encompassed the world permanently.

Chan had told Felix all about it, and Felix would never forget how Chan described the change he went through after he and Woojin had brushed hands that day. Chan had described it as being “the most strange, yet beautiful experience he had ever underwent”. The older man had told Felix about how he saw pink, blue, green, magenta, and so many other colors he had never dreamt of being possible in his colorless world.

However, out of all the colors Chan had told him about, the one he found most interesting was _blue_. The older male described how blue filled the skies and waters. How it was such a cool-toned color and how soft, yet intense it could be depending on the shade. How it could be gentle, yet still catch your breath every time you looked at it. How when you looked at it, you felt like you could just sink into its depths. How everything, _everything_ about blue just seemed so… _calming_.

However, as much as he wished he could, he knew he wouldn’t truly understand until he had actually _seen_ it for himself. Felix spent minutes, hours, days, and even _years_ dreaming about what color looked like. Descriptions from his hyungs were not enough, he had to _experience_ it. To see the warmth, to see the coolness, the _clarity_ of color in this dull world would be exhilarating. Felix almost couldn’t believe it was possible, but it _was._

His 21st birthday was so soon, and he couldn’t help but feel the immense excitement that would come from seeing color. Of course, he wasn’t guaranteed that he would be in physical contact with his fated partner that day, especially since that person had to have already passed 21 and be in close proximity to him. If his partner was younger than 21, and/or far away, he’d face the problem of _waiting_ , which, after waiting for 21 years to see color, was _not_ something he’d want to do. After seeing Hyunjin, Minho and Changbin, who were _still_ waiting for their partners to appear even after turning 21, Felix did not want to be put through the same situation.

Changbin. Felix shivered slightly at the name and felt a sharp pang against his chest. The man who always inspired him, always comforted him, always protected him. The man that was there for him, no matter what. The man that could do anything if he set his mind to it.

The man that he was in love with.

Felix shivered once again at the thought. He hated admitting it to himself, but he was in love with Seo Changbin, color or no color. Seo Changbin was the _only_ reason Felix dreaded turning 21, because he wouldn’t be able to imagine the pain he would feel if the man wasn’t his fated partner. It just… wouldn’t feel _right_ to be anyone else’s, especially since he was so sure that his feelings for the man only confirmed their bond. There had to be _something_ between them in order for Felix to feel like this, right?

But then again, he had no idea how Changbin felt about him. The man was affectionate towards him, sure, but he was also affectionate towards the rest of his friends. And, frankly, with 7 billion people in the world, Felix couldn’t say for sure that Changbin’s soulmate was him. Hell, for all Felix knew, Changbin probably had a model or something waiting for him on the other side of the world.

Felix shook his head, forcing himself to expel the monster that was jealousy from his mind. He decided to work the thoughts away, to immerse himself in dance so vigorously he forgot about Seo Changbin and the world of color he was so desperate to see.

Unfortunately, although he did manage to forget the latter, he was quite unable to rid the former from his mind, since, ironically, the older man had walked into the dance practice room.

“Felix? You’re practicing this late into the night? It’s almost 4 A.M.,” Changbin asked, yawning and then looking at him with concern. Felix felt his heart start to pound erratically, a common reaction he had whenever he interacted with Changbin.

“Yeah, I, uh, couldn’t sleep,” Felix said lamely, slowly stopping his dance and turning off the music speakers. “Just trying to get the work in, I guess? I need to work on my dancing,” Felix continued, rambling continuously and making far more excuses than he should have been.

“Don’t work too hard, okay? You need your rest too, idiot,” Changbin said with a lazy smirk, punching Felix slightly in the shoulder and earning a slight ‘Ouch!’ from the younger.

“Your ‘playful’ punch is like a goddamn boulder,” Felix whined, his voice in a straight deadpan and his face twisted in a painful wince as he clutched his shoulder.

Changbin laughed lightheartedly and proceeded to smirk in a way that made Felix’s breath catch in his throat. “Come on, let’s get you to bed, yeah? You need your rest,” he said afterward in an authoritative tone that made Felix shudder ever so slightly. “We’ve got to be quiet, though. Otherwise who knows how annoyed Minho will be at us in the morning,” Changbin said with a chuckle that make Felix’s heart skip a beat. The older man held out his hand for Felix to hold, and the younger accepted it gladly, enveloping his own hand with his hyung’s.

Felix felt his freckled face become heated as he watched his hyung drag him out of the dance practice area and towards his room. As they walked, Felix began to (unintentionally) take note of small things about Changbin; how his broad shoulders and muscled arms contrasted his small frame, how his hair bounced ever so slightly when he walked, how his breaths synced with his brief steps.

What would Changbin look like if Felix were to ever see him with color? What colors would his hair, his eyes, his clothing, his lips, his _everything_ , be? Felix had developed a habit of fantasizing, even though he couldn’t quite recognize true color yet. He recalled all the colors Chan had told him about, and thought, what if Changbin’s hair was _blue_ ? Or _green?_ Or _brown_? What if his eyes were _pink?_ What if his lips were _red?_ There were so many possibilities, so many colors that Felix had yet to learn about and see, and the chance that he would be able to witness Changbin’s true form, even if he wasn’t his soulmate, invigorated him.

 _Even if he wasn’t his soulmate_. Felix felt that all-too-familiar pang against his chest, and (regrettably) felt himself return to reality. He wouldn’t allow himself to get carried away in fantasies that might not even come true, so he decided to simply cherish the moments he had with Changbin right now. He smiled softly, glancing at their hands and feeling a blush cover his face. He covered his face with his unoccupied hand, hoping that Changbin wouldn’t notice his current state.

To Felix’s relief, he didn’t, and they arrived at Felix’s room in complete silence, the overhead lights dim. Felix opened to door to enter, about to let go of Changbin’s hand until he felt the older man tighten his grip lightly, not letting him go. Felix turned around, looking at Changbin with a curious expression, his heart beating at the speed of light.

Their eyes met, and they stared at each other for what seemed like _hours_ to the Australian. Felix felt his face heat up once again, and at that moment, he felt extremely grateful for the dim light that obscured his expression. Through the darkness, Felix observed Changbin’s mouth open for a second as if he were about to say something, but the older man simply closed it, as if he was hesitating.

“Take care of yourself, okay? Your health means a lot to me and the boys,” Changbin muttered, loosening his grip on Felix’s hand. “I- _We_ care a lot about you.” Changbin let go of the Aussie’s hand, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “Good night,” said the older man, about to turn around and walk away when Felix decided to wrap his arms around the his neck.

“Thank you,” Felix whispered, praying that Changbin didn’t notice his heart racing wildly as he tightened his grip around the older man. Slowly but surely, Changbin wrapped his own arms around Felix’s waist in a gentle embrace, and the two of them remained in said position for what seemed like eternity (not that Felix was complaining). Afterwards, Changbin slowly released Felix, placing his hands on the younger’s cheeks and pressing their foreheads together. Their breaths hitched, and Felix felt Changbin draw closer, closer, _closer-_

Until the older man banged his forehead against Felix’s, causing the younger man to wince in pain as his hyung laughed like a hyena. “That _hurt_ , you sadistic fuc-”

“Uh uh, language,” Changbin joked, still laughing so uncontrollably he was clutching his stomach from the pain. Felix rubbed his forehead, the pain starting to subside, and he felt himself begin to laugh in sync with the older man until the both of them were howling wildly.

“If you guys don’t stop howling like fucking banshees, I _will_ whoop your asses,” Changbin and Felix heard from behind them, and they turned to see a drowsy, angry, _annoyed_ Minho rubbing his eyes and glaring at them. “For fuck’s sake, I can’t even _sleep_ without you two flirting in front of me,” he grumbled, subsequently returning inside the room while muttering a string of curses.

The two of them looked back towards each other, and they released a series of quiet, awkward chuckles. Felix didn’t dare comment on the _flirting_ aspect of Minho’s statement, too nervous that he would let his emotions slip. And he knew, _he knew_ that if he started talking, he wouldn’t be able to stop, and that possibility scared him to no end.

“I guess we’d better sleep before Minho-hyung actually decides to whoop our asses,” Changbin whispered, a smile on his face as he pushed Felix towards his room lightly. “Goodnight, Felix,” he muttered, his words masked in a tone of something Felix couldn’t quite pinpoint. But Felix ignored that observation and simply smiled back at Changbin as he reached the door.

“Goodnight, Changbin-hyung,” Felix whispered, resisting the urge to say ' _I love you_ ' as he entered the room and closed the door behind him. He sluggishly walked towards his bed, sinking into the soft comforters and burying his face into his pillow.

The whole experience replayed in his mind, and he felt his face heat up as he remembered the closeness between them before Changbin had so monstrously banged his head against Felix’s. The memory made Felix smile, and he let out a content sigh before closing his eyes.

 _1 more day_ echoed in his mind before he slowly fell unconscious and drifted off into slumber.

\---

“ _Gross_ ,” exclaimed a disgusted Jeongin at the scene before him, and a series of nods of agreement by the others followed afterwards. Chan hurried forward to cover the maknae’s eyes, glaring at Jisung and Minho, who were a bit… _preoccupied_ at the moment.

“For fuck’s sake, get a room, would you?” Changbin said, clicking his tongue and turning away from the two, who were very lustfully making out on the couch. “It’s only the first day and you guys are already sucking face,” he muttered, his expression covered with a mixture of disgust and annoyance. However, much to Changbin’s annoyance, Minho simply smirked at him and pulled Jisung onto his lap, deepening their kiss unabashedly. Changbin let out an irritated grunt before covering his eyes and turning around, trudging away in order to rid himself from seeing the horrendous scene.

He couldn’t quite blame them for acting that way, though.

Jisung had finally turned 21 today, and almost immediately after waking up the squirrel boy had ran from his room to Minho’s, jumping on the older boy eagerly. Minho, who was drowsy and could barely even keep his eyes open because of the light, had awoken to a smiling, excited Jisung sitting on his chest. Minho, who was surprised by the action, gradually opened his eyes and laid them on the younger boy, who was illuminated with color. Minho couldn’t believe his eyes as he dragged them down and up Jisung’s body, taking in his orange hair, sparkling brown eyes, tanned honey skin, pink lips, _everything_ he could lay his eyes on. _Beautiful_ , was the only word that filled Minho’s mind.

“We’re soulmates, Minho-hyung,” Jisung had whispered to Minho, smiling shyly as he placed a soft, feather-light kiss on the older man’s cheek. “I’ve been waiting for _so_ long to do that,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck as he blushed a soft, crimson red that Minho was _obsessed_ with.

“And I’ve been waiting for so long to do this,” Minho said, pulling Jisung in for a deep kiss that surprised the younger boy, who hadn’t expected to get such a straightforward reaction from Minho. Jisung let out a little moan when Minho had slipped his tongue into the younger’s mouth, exploring every crevice and cherishing every moment of it. Jisung let out little whimpers and whines that made Minho smirk and continue kissing him relentlessly until his soulmate’s lips were battered, bruised, and raw. Only then did the older pull away, licking his lips and biting the younger’s lower one playfully. “Happy birthday, baby,” Minho whispered against his lips, smiling as Jisung’s endearing crimson blush returned.

“ _Ew_ ,” the two men heard, and they turned to see a disgusted Jeongin rubbing his drowsy eyes and scrunching his face up in revulsion. “My alarm was supposed to wake me up, not the moans of my hyungs,” he muttered, covering his eyes and turning away. Minho and Jisung burned red, extremely embarrassed that they were caught by their innocent maknae. They could already _hear_ Chan reprimanding them for ruining Stray Kids’ soft baby’s innocence, and they both shivered at the thought of an angry Chan.

However, that fear must have been short-lived, since the two had been sucking each other’s faces off all day, thought Changbin, as he slightly gagged at the remembrance of the scene that had happened so recently. Even though he hadn’t enjoyed the PDA, he felt extremely happy for the two, especially since the two had been so obviously in love with each other ever since they met (well, obvious to everyone _but_ them). Seeing them happy like that gave Changbin the hope and patience he needed to wait for his _own_ soulmate, since he hadn’t found his even though it had been more than a year since his 21st birthday.

Changbin shoved his hands in his pockets, letting out a sigh as he headed towards the bedrooms, his steps slowing down as he approached Felix’s. He peeked through the crack of the door, his eyes immediately laying on his dongsaeng, who seemed to be huddled in his bed. He moved closer, hearing soft sniffles and whimpers grow louder with every step. He stopped himself before placing his hand on the door, his heart speeding up and his mind questioning whether he should go in or not. What would he say? How would Felix react?

He shook his head. No, now was not the time to be worried about small things like that. He breathed in deeply and pushed the door open, his hand still on the handle as Felix turned around to look at him with puffy eyes. The younger boy turned back around, hiding his face in his knees as he hastily wiped his tears away. “Go _away_.”

Changbin open his mouth, then closed it before climbing onto Felix’s bed and sitting next to him. “You know I won’t do that. What’s wrong?” Changbin placed his hand on Felix’s back, rubbing gentle circles on his back to comfort him. Felix seemed to relax a bit, his stiff back gradually becoming less tense.

“I-it’s… nothing. It’s petty anyway,” Felix muttered, breathing in and out slowly. He lifted his head from his knees, glancing at Changbin before burying his face in them again.

“Hey, look at me,” Changbin said, gently grabbing Felix’s face with his hands and turning it to look at him. “I’m sure it’s more than that. But… if you don’t feel like telling me, I understand. Just... know that I’m here for you, okay?” Changbin said with a nod, letting out a gentle sigh and pushing back a loose strand of Felix’s hair behind his ear. Felix simply nodded back and proceeded to bury his face in Changbin’s shoulder, his tears gradually soaking the fabric of the older’s shirt. But Changbin didn’t mind; rather, he welcomed it, and placed a strong hand on the back of Felix’s head, stroking the younger’s hair softly.

“I was just thinking… what if you live your life thinking you’ll be with someone, _hoping_ you will, but just because of fate, you don’t? Because fate has some _stupid_ plans for you to get with someone else, and then everything you felt before was just… in vain? Like it doesn’t even matter,” Felix let out all of a sudden. “It’s dumb thinking it, I know, but what if- what if I love someone but I can’t be with that person because of _fate_ , even if I know they’re the best person for me? It’s such a petty, useless thought, but I can’t help but think about it,” he rambled, his feelings flowing out of his mouth like water in a waterfall.

“Felix… are you in love with someone?” Changbin interjected unconsciously, his eyes widening as he asked. _Felix was in love with someone?_ He felt his heart throb painfully, and he clenched his fist tightly. _Of course he is, why shouldn’t he be? It’s his life; he can love whoever he wants._

“...Maybe, but it’s not like he loves me back anyway. I bet _fate_ has someone destined for him that’s not me,” Felix mumbled softly, pulling away from Changbin and wiping his tears with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Hey… you never know, maybe he’s destined to be with you,” Changbin choked out, his throat clenching unexpectedly. “I’m sure fate has _some_ consideration for feelings, right?” He started to doubt his own words as he placed a heavy hand on Felix’s shoulder for reassurance. “If you love him, and he’s the best for you, then fate _can’t_ choose someone else, you know? I’m sure you- I’m sure you’ll get him,” he said, his heart throbbing painfully once more. He felt so _fake_ , saying all of these half-assed words that he didn’t even believe himself. If fate _did_ have consideration for feelings, wouldn’t _he_ end up with Felix? _But Felix is in love with someone else, idiot_ , his thoughts rang in his head.

Felix simply shook his head, and he looked at Changbin with a look the older couldn’t quite decipher. “I… hope so,” he muttered, peeking at Changbin through his wet eyelashes. “Thank you, hyung,” he whispered, a gentle but slightly strained smile appearing on his face as he placed his head on Changbin’s shoulder.

Changbin mumbled a soft ‘mhm’ and stroked Felix’s hair, neither one of them saying any words as they wallowed in the silence. They remained like that for what seemed like eternity, just basking in the presence of each other and their thoughts.

Changbin noticed later on that Felix had dozed off and was softly snoring against his shoulder in a way that the older found so endearing. He looked so… angelic, so pure, and Changbin felt his heart tug at its strings once again. For so many years, he tried pushing his feelings away, tried disregarding them and burying them deep within himself. But at this moment, it was as if everything came pouring out, and he felt so overwhelmed by his love for Felix that he let out a short sob. A small tear fell down his face, and he quickly wiped it away before looking at Felix again. He couldn’t be here any longer, he needed to _get out_ before he became too inundated in his feelings.

He slowly lifted Felix’s head off of his shoulder, gently placing him down on the bed and covering him with a blanket. He glanced at the angelic, sleeping man beside him, and he ever-so-gently placed a feather-light kiss on the younger’s forehead. Realizing what he had done, he quickly got up and turned to walk away, but was stopped by a force tugging at his wrist.

“Please… don’t go…” Felix muttered, causing Changbin’s heart to flutter ever so slightly. “I… I love you,” he continued, making Changbin’s heart soar and then drop instantaneously. _He’s dreaming about someone else, Changbin. Get it together, he doesn’t love you_. Changbin viciously pulled his wrist out of Felix’s grip, unable to tolerate being in the room anymore. He choked back a sob as he walked out of the room, wishing he had never heard those words.

He would have felt the opposite, however, had he chosen to stay for a few moments longer. Because a few moments later, Felix had muttered the words that Changbin had wanted to hear for so long:

“I love you, Changbin-hyung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> perhaps my tears yeeted their way out of my eyes because of the ending  
> there's only gonna be like one more chapter my dudes so stay tuned for that i'm surprisingly feeling motivated to write let's get this bread  
> this was literally laying in my drafts for so long but i finally finished this chapter can i get a yeehaw 
> 
> honestly comment down below how y'all feel about this because i'm a shit writer and i kinda like this but idk lol


	2. The Colors He Never Saw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be prepared to cry

_Felix nervously stared at the other trainees as he sat on the floor, cross-legged. It was his first day, and seeing all of the others preparing for the showcase only increased his anxiousness._

_He observed as each trainee practiced controlling their vocal ranges and dances vigorously, their individual talents shining through with every note and move. He couldn’t help but feel just a little inferior, since he hadn’t been training for nearly as long as them. Hell, one trainee (a fellow Aussie, at that) had been training for more than 6 years!_

_Felix shook his head, trying to shake off his anxiety. He decided to focus on something other than his thoughts, and his eyes led him towards a slightly small, but muscular individual beside him. Oh? He has a nice face, Felix thought, his eyes widening as his eyes grazed the sculpted figure before him, a slight blush on his cheeks. The man had a nice jawline and an intense, dark look as he stretched his toned arms, and Felix felt his face grow just the slightest bit hotter, his eyes unable to tear themselves away from the fellow trainee._

_The sculpted figure turned his handsome face towards Felix, and Felix looked away quickly, covering his face with his hands. Felix got caught, he got caught, he got caught and now he wanted to die-_

_“Felix?” A raspy, slightly deep voice called, and Felix turned towards the gorgeous man, a confused eyebrow raised. How did the man know his name? Felix never remembered telling him, but perhaps he had and simply forgot?_

_“Uh… yes?” Felix answered hesitantly, looking everywhere but at the mystery man._

_“I’m Changbin,” the figure said, outstretching a calloused hand towards him, and Felix looked at it for a few moments before smiling softly and taking it. “Nice to meet you,” he mumbled, his face still hot from being caught a few seconds prior._

_Felix tugged at Changbin’s hand, expecting the other man to release his, but Changbin kept their hands entwined, tightening his grip. “Hey, uh, could you, uh, let go of my hand?” The Aussie said, his eyes finally meeting Changbin’s. To his surprise, the other man had a dark look on his face and a dangerous smirk on his lips. Felix gulped, a drop of sweat rolling down his face as he desperately tried to pull his hand away from Changbin’s grip, only to be met with a stronger force clutching his own._

_“Hey, let me go-” He looked at Changbin and gasped, the other’s handsome face now replaced with a black hole, and the scenery around him shifted from the JYP training room to an endless pit of darkness. Changbin disappeared, and Felix pulled his hand back to his chest, his heart pounding against his chest._

_“Felix… I thought you loved me,” Changbin’s voice suddenly echoed in the background, and Felix looked around, suddenly seeing the older’s face everywhere he looked. Felix’s memories came rushing back, from their first meeting to Changbin comforting him to sleep, and he felt a sob escape his throat. “But the truth is... you never really loved me, did you?” The voice continued, and Felix shook his head vigorously._

_“No, that’s- that’s not true! I do-” Felix tried to say, but he felt his breathing begin to restrict and his words struggle to escape his throat. “That- that’s a lie!”_

_“The only lie was you pretending that you loved me, Felix,” Changbin’s voice echoed once more, and suddenly, two figures appeared before Felix, a happy couple illuminated by white light. Felix observed the scene, noticing that it was a wedding, and that a woman and a man stood happily at the altar, clutching their hands together. Felix’s eyes widened as he realized that the man was Changbin, and an unknown woman smiled happily before him._

_“If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace,” said the priest, looking around to see if anyone had any objections._

_“Wait…” Felix’s eyes widened even more as the reality of the situation dawned upon him. “Wait.. I object! He… he belongs with me, not with her- I love him more than her! Stop it, stop it, stop the wedding, please-” Felix pleaded, but his words simply drowned out into the background as the wedding vows continued. He realized that he couldn’t move, couldn’t get closer to them, and so he kept yelling, kept screaming his objections, but nothing seemed to be working._

_“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the priest ended, a happy smile on his face. “You may now kiss the bride.” Changbin smiled at the woman in front of him, their faces drawing closer and closer, and Felix felt his heart stop as their lips joined in peaceful unity. Felix felt tears prick his eyes, and soon enough, they were rolling down his cheeks like water down a waterfall. He watched sadly as the couple walked, hand in hand, farther and farther from his line of vision._

_“Please… don’t go…” Felix said weakly as their figures became smaller and their happy, contented laughs grew louder. “I… I love you,” Felix yelled desperately one last time, but the two figures continued to walk and, eventually, disappeared from sight. He stifled back a sob, his heart pounding painfully as he muttered his last words._

_“I love you, Changbin-hyung.”_

…

Felix jolted awake, tears streaming down his face and sweat covering his body. His heart pounded painfully, and he tried to calm himself down, inhaling and exhaling anxiously in order to recover some semblance of reality. His breathing finally slowed, and he viciously grabbed around, trying to find his phone in order to look at the time. When he found it, he stared blankly at the screen. _2:32 am,_ it read, and Felix groaned at the unusual time he had awoken.

His whole body was aching, and with every joint he moved, he winced from the pain. He slowly stretched, trying to ease the tension trapped within his limbs. He pushed his legs over the side of the bed, pressing his feet against the floor and getting up, stretching his arms and legs.

He felt like, for lack of a better word, _shit_.

He entered the bathroom, placing his hands on the sink and staring at his reflection. He looked so dead, so exhausted with the dark bags under his eyes and dried tears staining his face. He felt a sob rise up again in his throat, but he shoved it back down as he splashed water on his face, rubbing his face vigorously with the liquid in order to make himself look somewhat alive. He quickly dried his face with a fluffy towel and exited the bathroom, focused on finding something, _anything_ , to do in order to forget that dream.

He grabbed his phone from his bedroom and wandered around the dorm, finding himself going back to dance practice room like he had done previously. Before dancing, he found himself looking at his phone again, seeing the date _September 15_ shining brightly. Tears began to prick at his eyes once again, the sight of his birthday burning his eyes. He tore his eyes away and put his phone aside, anxiously pressing play on the stereo for I AM YOU.

The lyrics filled the air, and Felix danced intensely, desperate to forget everything. The dream, Changbin, his unrequited love, _everything._ And he almost did, _almost_ , until his main verse came on.

_“Yeah, yeah, nae gyeote isseo jwo… Yeah, yeah, I need you right by my side now...”_

That was Felix’s breaking point. He shut off the music, his tears flowing down his face as he sobbed wildly, not caring if anyone heard him at this point. He couldn’t take it anymore, he just felt so sad, so anxious, so tired of everything, _so desperate for it all to stop_.

“Why did I have to love him? Why couldn’t I love someone else, someone who loved me back? Why, why, _why_ -” Felix banged an angry fist against the wall until he couldn’t anymore, and he pressed his forehead against the wall, slowly sliding down into a crouching position. “I don’t want this anymore, I hate this love, I hate myself, I hate always feeling this _pain_!”

“Seo Changbin, I fucking hate you!” Felix screamed haphazardly, unable to tolerate the pain anymore and letting it all out in one angry expression.

“...You do?” A raspy voice echoed from behind him, and Felix whirled himself around to see Changbin, a hurt expression on the older’s face as he stared at Felix’s tear-stained one.

“... Yes, _I hate you_.” At this point, Felix was beyond rationale and comprehension. All he felt was anger and disappointment towards himself, but he centered that hatred towards Changbin, not thinking about the other’s feelings. “I fucking hate you with my entire being! I just want you out of my life! I never want to see your face again! I just want you out, out, _out_ -” Felix couldn’t control himself anymore, couldn’t control his words even though his brain yelled at him to stop, to _look_ at the pained expression on Changbin’s face as the hateful words spewed out of Felix’s mouth.

“Felix, listen to me-” Changbin reached a hand out towards him, but Felix jolted back, too scared of Changbin touching him and possibly finding out the older wasn’t his soulmate.

“Don’t _fucking_ _touch me_ ,” Felix said angrily, tears streaming down his face uncontrollably as he darted out of the room, leaving a very confused and hurt Changbin behind.

He stormed angrily towards his bedroom, wiping his face furiously and flopping down angrily onto his bed. He buried his face in his pillow, his sobs masked by the soft fabric to prevent the others from awakening as he cried himself to sleep.

…

“I just- I just don’t know what to do,” Changbin said, his voice cracking as he looked at the two figures before him. He buried his face in his hands, stifling back sobs as his heart pounded painfully. “He said that he hates me, that he _never wants to see me again_ -”

“Hey, listen to me,” Chan said, placing a gentle hand on Changbin’s shoulder. “I’m sure that isn’t true. After everything that you guys have been through, do you really think he feels that way? Would he let you kiss his cheeks or comfort him or help him sleep, which he doesn’t let the rest of us do by the way, if he didn’t like you?” Chan look at the younger male with a reassuring expression, giving him a small smile. “Felix _adores_ you. Hell, he practically _worships_ you,” Chan said with a small chuckle.

“He’s right,” Woojin said, placing his large hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders and leaning over him to look at Changbin. “I’ve seen the way you guys interact with each other, and it doesn’t seem like a hateful relationship at all, Changbin-ah. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding. He probably has his reasons, you know? Maybe talking to him after he calms down a bit will help,” he continued softly, nodding for reassurance.

Changbin nodded as he sobbed into Chan’s shoulder, and the older patted his back soothingly. “There, there,” he said, letting the younger man let all of his emotions out that he rarely ever showed. Soon enough, Changbin’s anxious sobs began to slow down, and his tears finally stopped rolling down his cheeks in waves. He pulled himself away from Chan, wiping his tears on his sleeve and sniffling softly.

“Thank you, hyungs,” he whispered, with a small smile appearing on his face and disappearing just as quickly. He wiped the last of his tears away and looked at both of them. “I’ll… try to talk to him,” he whispered, and the older two men smiled at him proudly, each giving him an encouraging thumbs-up.

And so Changbin found himself before Felix’s bedroom door, just as the day before. He knew Felix was in there; everyone had been talking about how the Aussie had refused to leave his room, even for food. He hesitantly placed his hand on the door handle, taking a deep breath and opening the door slowly.

“Felix?” He whispered, opening it fully to see Felix curled up in his bed just as he had been before.

“ _Go away,_ ” said Felix, an exact replica of their first conversation. Except this time, it wasn’t simply desperate; it was angry, terrified, anxious, unwanting, and Changbin could feel the sadness radiating from the younger.

“Please, just talk to me, Felix,” he said desperately, sitting on the edge of Felix’s bed, causing the younger to move away from him. “Listen, I know what you said was probably just a misunderstanding or something. I know you didn’t mean it-”

“Who said I didn’t mean it?” Felix looked at Changbin and laughed coldly. “Every single word I said was true,” he continued, looking away from the older. “I wish- I wish I’d never met you,” he said, his voice slightly cracking as a tear rolled down his cheek. “Then maybe... maybe I would’ve never felt like-” He stopped suddenly.

“...Felt like what?” Changbin asked hesitantly, not really wanting to hear the answer, his heart pounded furiously against his chest.

“Like _this_ ,” Felix said, his voice breaking into a sob as he shut his eyes and grabbed the older man’s shirt, pulling him into a desperate, sloppy kiss. Changbin’s eyes widened, not sure if he was more shocked by the action or the illumination of color that filled his vision. His eyes slowly closed, and he wrapped his arms around Felix’s waist and pulled the Aussie closer, happiness filling his heart.

After what seemed like minutes, Felix finally pulled away, his eyes still shut and his hands covering his face. “I don’t want to look,” he muttered, “I know that we’re not- not supposed to be together, but if I don’t see color… what am I going to do? I’m just- I’m _so in love with you_ _that it hurts-_ ”

“Felix, open your eyes,” Changbin interrupted, taking Felix’s hands into his as he looked at the angelic being before him. He couldn’t get enough of Felix’s orange hair, his adorable freckles, his lush pink lips, his beautiful olive skin, he couldn’t get enough of _everything_. He couldn’t believe that this person, the person he had loved for so long, was his _destined partner,_ and he struggled to control himself from devouring him right then and there.

Felix slowly but surely began to open his eyes, and his gaze widened as he gripped the older’s hands. He began to sob, his tears flowing down his cheeks. “ _I knew it_ ,” he mumbled, pulling away from Changbin and burying his face in his knees. Changbin looked at him, confused as he pulled Felix back towards him.

“I can’t see it, Changbin-hyung. _I can’t see any color_ ,” Felix said, his voice cracking as he sobbed into the older’s shoulder. “I knew, _I knew,_ but now that it’s really happened, I don’t know what to do. You’re going to go and get married to some girl halfway across the world, and all I’ll ever feel is _pain_ -”

“Felix,” Changbin interrupted, clutching his hands with his own. “What do you mean?” He raised an eyebrow, feeling slightly confused. “Angel, you’re the only one for me.” He paused for a moment, gathering his emotions before speaking again. “I… I can see color now,” he mumbled, a blush spreading on his cheeks. “And you’re so, so _beautiful_ ,” he said, pressing his forehead against the Aussie’s. “And this may sound a little crazy, but I think I’m even more obsessed with you now that I can see the real you.”

“You’re kidding,” he said with disbelief, his voice breaking as he observed Changbin’s face for any sort of lie, only detecting sincerity. “But… how? I c-can’t-” Felix said, wiping his tears with one sleeve, “I can’t see _a single color_ , hyung, so _how can we be destined partners-_ ”

“Baby, I’ll say it again and again until you understand. _You’re the only one for me,_ ” Changbin, squeezing Felix’s hands reassuringly and taking a deep breath before speaking again. “I’ve never thought about anyone else, and I never will. The other day, when you told me you loved someone, I thought- I thought you loved someone other than me, and I’d never felt so disappointed in my life until then-” His voice broke, and blinked rapidly to fight back tears. “I love you so much that I couldn’t imagine you with anyone else.”

“And as for you not seeing color… don’t worry too much about it, yeah? I’m sure we can find out why, so please don’t be too discouraged,” Changbin said, placing reassuring kisses on Felix’s tear-stained cheeks. “I’ll find a way to fix it, no matter what. We can’t give up hope now, right?” Felix looked at him through his lashes, sniffling and then nodding slowly.

“Mhm,” he mumbled, burying his face in Changbin’s neck. Changbin rubbed comforting circles on his back, placing soft kisses on the Aussie’s orange hair as he wrapped his arms around Felix’s waist.

After what seemed like hours, Changbin whispered softly into Felix’s ear. “Let’s go to the others, okay? They were worried sick about you,” he said, stroking the younger’s hair. Felix simply nodded into his shoulder, and Changbin stood up from the bed, smiling at his soulmate.

He held out his hand for Felix to take, and the younger took it, smiling back at him as they walked, hand in hand, out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: i am soft for changlix
> 
> yo i'm not even kidding i was crying when i wrote this i was wondering WHY I would do this to myself  
> but there was a good-ish ending so i was okay 
> 
> i've decided this is going to have ONE more part haha (which is what i said last time but hopefully i'll follow through this time askjfhk)  
> i'll try to update it as soon as possible!  
> speaking of updating, i'm so sorry this took forever to update! i've been so busy with finals i didn't have the time to work on it :(
> 
> thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry ╥﹏╥

“What do you mean by _he can’t see color_?” A shocked Jisung screeched, staring between Changbin and Felix. “You guys are soulmates, right?” He asked, pointing questioningly between them. “Because if not, fate and I are gonna have a little problem-”

The statement, rather than comforting Felix, only made him cry more into Changbin’s shoulder. He knew that Jisung had good intentions, but he couldn’t really help it; he still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he and Changbin could be soulmates, especially since he couldn’t see color. He just felt so _confused_ , what with Changbin saying that he’d seen color with him, and the whirlwind of emotions that currently enveloped his mind. He didn’t know whether to feel hopeful or distraught, happy or sad, accepting or unrelenting.

He did feel slightly comforted, though, when Changbin wrapped an arm around his shoulder and muttered his next words. “I know he’s my soulmate,” he said confidently, running his hand up and down Felix’s back comfortingly. “There’s no doubt about that in my mind,” he continued softly. “He’s the one for me.”

“Honestly, and I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say this, the rest of us don’t really have any doubt either,” Minho said, looking around at everyone, looking back at Changbin and Felix as everyone else nodded. “You guys are so sickeningly in love with each other, it’s kind of gross,” he muttered, causing everyone to laugh and nod in agreement. Even Felix couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the statement, and he smiled as he pulled away from Changbin.

“Hold on,” Felix said as he wiped his tears, his eyes widening a little as realization dawned upon him, “exactly _how long_ have you guys been thinking like that about us-”

“Whoa, you really didn’t know? I thought all of our Changlix references were enough. I _literally told you to get married_ ,” Minho said, facepalming out of sheer disappointment. “Hell, Woojin-hyung is practically _president_ of the Changlix club-”

“Hold up, a _club?_ ” Felix intervened, his eyes growing even wider. “Okay, that’s a little wild-”

“Literally _everyone_ except for you two knew that you were in love,” Hyunjin said with a raised eyebrow. “Honestly, I’m surprised it took you until now to notice, especially with how whipped you guys are for each other. Felix, you practically had ‘I’m in love with Changbin-hyung’ tattooed on your forehead-”

“Okay, I wasn’t _that_ obvious-”

“Yes you were,” everyone intervened, causing Felix and Changbin to both blush profusely. Felix buried his face in Changbin’s shoulder once again, not from sadness this time, but from sheer embarrassment. Sure, maybe he’d stared at Changbin few times, flirted a little, and even asked him for kisses, but he didn’t expect it to be _that_ obvious.

“Anyways, what we’re trying to say is that you guys practically belong together, so don’t worry about not being soulmates, because all of us are sure that you’re destined partners anyway. As for you seeing not color, we’re going to find out why and fix it however we can,” Woojin said with a reassuring smile, earning a grateful one in return from Felix. “Right, Channie?” Woojin looked at his boyfriend, who seemed to be deep in thought and not quite in the conversation. “Hello, earth to Chan,” he said, waving a hand in front of the other’s face.

Chan’s eyes snapped up, and he looked at his boyfriend with an embarrassed blush. “Oh, uh, sorry, I was just thinking that maybe-” He suddenly stopped, glancing at Felix and then back at Woojin, Suddenly, much to Felix’s curiosity, Chan leaned in to Woojin’s ear, and whispered something to the older, causing his eyes to widen. “That might be it,” Chan muttered as he pulled away, letting out what seemed to be a sad sigh.

“Okay, you’re killing me with curiosity. Spill it, what are you thinking?” Jisung intervened, asking what everyone else was wondering at the moment.

“Well… I might have an idea about why he can’t see color,” Chan said, eliciting a gasp from the others in the room and questioning remarks. “But... I’m not going to tell you what it is until I know for sure. I don’t want to make you guys unnecessarily worried,” he said, biting his lip slightly. “Plus, it might not even be right, so I don’t want to jump to conclusions just yet."

Disgruntled murmurs filled the room, but they all knew that Chan was right. They also knew that Chan was most likely thinking about Felix, who probably wouldn’t be able to take any disappointing or false theories due to his current emotional state.

Felix felt a bit like a burden, making everyone worry about him when they probably had more important things to concern themselves with. He knew it wasn’t true, but he still felt like they were just annoyed with his constant crying and whining about something that probably didn’t even matter. Perhaps he was just overreacting about the whole situation, Felix thought, his fingers starting to tremble just the slightest bit. In hindsight, it wasn’t really _that_ bad that he couldn’t see color or that Changbin might not be his soulmate… right?

He let out a shaky sigh, not even able to cry because he had already done it too much. He probably didn’t even have any tears left, he thought with a sad smile.

Changbin looked at Felix, noticing how heavily the Aussie was breathing and how he was lightly holding two fingers to his neck, as if checking his pulse. Over the years, the older had noticed the hand movement as a sign that Felix was feeling overwhelmed with emotion, whether that might be from happiness, sadness, anxiety, etc. And at the present moment, it was quite clear what he was feeling, and the sight broke Changbin’s heart. He unconsciously took Felix’s hand into his own, squeezing it comfortingly, eliciting a relieved sigh from the younger.

“Hey, we’re all here for you, okay? I know it must be hard, but just know that we love and care about you, and no matter what, we’ll always be here,” he whispered in Felix’s ear, stroking Felix’s hair with his other hand as the younger simply nodded into his shoulder. “We’re gonna get through this, I promise,” he continued, pressing a soft kiss on Felix’s head.

“I know, but I just- I don’t want everyone to feel burdened by me, especially since I’m probably just overreacting,” Felix revealed quietly, turning his body so that his back was against Changbin’s chest. He took the older’s arms and wrapped them around his waist so that he was comfortable situated. “What if everyone is actually annoyed by me, and they’re just here out of pity?”

“Listen, angel, no one is annoyed by you or here just because of pity. Every single one of us is here because we care about you and want you to feel better. So don’t ever think that you’re a burden, because all of us willingly want to help you,” he whispered, holding Felix’s hands in his own. “Okay?” The Aussie simply nodded in response, a small smile growing on his face as he breathed an understanding, content sigh.

Felix looked around the room, his eyes laying on Chan, who seemed to be engaged in conversation over the phone. He observed as Chan nodded a few times and muttered a quiet “thank you” before ending the call and tucking his phone in his pocket. Chan looked over at Felix, seemingly hesitating before announcing his next words. “Okay, so I just got off the phone with an optometrist friend of mine. He said he’d be willing to give you a free consultation today to see what’s going on,” he said with an encouraging smile.

“Felix and I will head over to his office,” Chan begun to say, looking at Changbin, “Changbin-ah, you’re welcome to come as well-”

“ _No,_ ” Felix interrupted suddenly, causing everyone to looking at him with surprised expressions. “I mean, um, I’d prefer just you and I going, Chan-hyung,” Felix muttered, climbing out of Changbin’s arms and getting up. He didn’t dare look at Changbin’s face at that moment, knowing that the older would probably look hurt. Even with all the kind words Changbin had told him, Felix couldn’t help it, he couldn’t face finding out whatever the problem might be and it possibly hurting the older in any way. He knew he was being dramatic, but he couldn’t bear seeing Changbin’s reaction.

“Uh, sure, Felix,” Chan said slowly, glancing between Felix and a very hurt Changbin before looking around at the rest of the group. “We’ll be heading out, then,” the older Aussie said, and the rest of the group watched silently as both Aussies headed out of the room and then the dorm, leaving seven very concerned members behind.

. . .

Changbin was pacing back and forth, anxiousness beginning to overcome him. They’d been waiting for more than two hours, and there was still no response or contact from either Chan or Felix. The other members had tried reassuring him, but he only became even more worried. Plus, he couldn’t get Felix not wanting him to come along out of his mind, and it almost drove him crazy from curiosity over why.

He was so deep in thought that when his phone began to buzz wildly, he jolted from surprise. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, seeing the name “Chan-hyung” glow brightly on his screen as he anxiously pressed the accept button. “Hello? How is Felix doing? Did you find out what happened?”

“Well, he’s doing... not so well,” Chan said, causing Changbin’s heart to stop momentarily. “He’s been crying for a while now, and he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to go home,” the older Aussie mumbled. “He… god, I don’t even know how to say this. He didn’t even want me to tell you, but I felt like you should know,” Chan admitted, lowering his voice so that Felix wouldn’t hear.

“Wait, what? What didn’t he want to tell me? Why is he crying? What did the optometrist say?” Changbin asked anxiously, the pace of his heartbeat growing wilder by the second.

“That he- he won’t-” Chan’s voice broke off, and Changbin’s heart almost stopped when he heard the older sob just the slightest bit.

“What, hyung? He won’t what? _Damn it, just tell me_ ,” Changbin pleaded, his voice breaking as his grip on his phone tightened immensely, feeling scared of what the Aussie was going to say next.

“He won’t ever see color, Changbin. _He’s colorblind_.”

“What? _Colorblind_? But how is that possible, hyung? Aren’t colorblind people usually only unable to see one or a few colors? Come on, hyung, don’t joke around with me,” Changbin said, his eyes widening as his grip on his phone became looser and looser, his hand struggling to clutch his phone due to his shaking fingers. “Please, _just tell me he’s fine_ -”

“I’m so sorry, Changbin,” Chan said, his voice breaking ever so slightly. “The optometrist said that he... he has something called rod monochromacy, which is an extremely rare condition. He’s completely colorblind, and he can’t distinguish any colors except for black, white, and shades of gray-”

Changbin couldn’t hear anything else that the Aussie had to say, because his phone had slipped from his grasp and onto the floor. He leaned against a wall, his back dragging against it as he lowered himself onto the floor. It couldn’t be, it shouldn’t be possible for this to happen, he thought, the pace of his heart slowing down steadily.

His vision was starting to become hazy, and suddenly he could see the faint outlines of his members near him, yelling something that he couldn’t quite understand. He tried to focus on them, tried to discern what they were saying, but it felt like his world was just growing more unbalanced by the second as he clutched his shirt in an attempt to stop the pain in his heart.

His consciousness was slowly slipping away, and he struggled to maintain composure as Felix’s beautiful face filled his mind. He remembered unknowingly smiling, momentarily thinking about the love of his life before drifting off into a state of unconsciousness.

. . .

Felix walked through a hospital hallway, his conversation with the receptionist ringing in his head.

 _“You’re looking for Seo Changbin? I’m sorry, but only close relatives or friends are allowed for visitation at this time._ ” _She said, looking at him with pity._ _She could see the dark eyebags under the Australian’s eyes, quite possibly from crying, and she could sense the desperation in the man’s voice._

_“I’m- I’m his boyfriend,” Felix said hesitantly after a few moments, and the receptionist’s eyes widened for a second before returning back to normal. She stared at him for a few moments before realization dawned on her, and she nodded quickly in understanding._

_“Oh, I’m so sorry- Yes, he’s, uh, in room 0325. Third floor, just to the right,” she said, blushing from embarrassment as she pointed towards the elevator. “It should be one of the first rooms you see,” she said quickly, twiddling her fingers nervously as Felix simply nodded and walked away towards the elevator._

Felix had dreaded coming here, especially since he didn’t want to face his members after learning his condition. And he definitely didn’t want to see them after finding out that Changbin had fainted because of hearing from Chan about it, but he couldn’t help but come to see him. He felt responsible, knowing that the older had lost consciousness because of him.

Earlier, he’d told Chan and the other members to go ahead without him, so he knew that the other members were probably already there with Changbin. He felt his heart begin to race just a little bit faster as he entered the elevator and pressed 3, the slow movement and preppy elevator music as he went up not helping his emotional state at all. He quickly exited as soon as the door opened and turned right, seeing the number 0325 further down the hall.

As he approached, he looked through the window of the room before peeking through the door, the sight of his members crowded around Changbin, who seemed to be smiling at something they said. Felix felt his heart clench just the tiniest bit; he didn’t want to ruin the seemingly happy atmosphere that surrounded Changbin. He knew that the older would only feel worried and concerned for him if he went in there, so he decided to swallow his desperation to go to the older and force himself to leave.

Right before he left, he observed as Changbin’s eyes suddenly turned toward him and widened from surprise, his mouth opening as if to call out to him. But before he could say anything, the Aussie simply smiled sadly at him and walked away, his heart beating a mile a minute as he held back a sob.

Felix took a deep breath as he walked down the hallway, pulling out his phone from his pocket, the time _11:59_ and the date _September 15_ shining before finally changing to _12:00_ and _September 16_. He shoved it back into his pocket, the sight of the next day burning itself into his eyes. He laughed emotionlessly; it was ironic how (what was supposed to be) the happiest day of his life turned out to be the worst one, he thought with an emotionless chuckle as he tucked it back into his pocket.

He stood before the elevator, looking back a single time and seeing a figure that he knew all too well stand in the hallway. The Aussie smiled sadly again and waved at the being, ignoring the yells of “ _Felix!_ ” as he entered the elevator and pressed the ground floor button.

Felix let the elevator music fill his ears, allowing it to drown out the sounds of his sobs and his next words.  
“ _I’m so sorry, Changbin-hyung._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uGH WHY DO I MAKE MYSELF CRY LIKE THIS WHY CAN'T I JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY someone cancel me and my angsty writing  
> i promise i love changlix and that i only want to see them happy fjlskdjd
> 
> this fic keeps getting extended because there's just so much development that needs to go into the plot that i can't finish in one chapter so i'm really sorry- 
> 
> if you liked it, drop a comment and/or kudos below and let me know! i love you! <3


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